Ways to Know That I've Fallen In Love With You

Ways to know that I've fallen in love with you:

- For every text you send me, you get three texts back.
- Even at very odd hours of the night, I'm instantly accessible and readily available.
- I wanna pay for shit. Even if you don't want me to (especially if you don't want me to).
Note: this is chivalry, is standard for me, and only symptomatic when it's to an uncontrollable extent.
- I spend more on you in a week than I spend on me in a fortnight (often in vast multiples).
- When we talk I'm enraptured by you and am often stunned into lengthy silences (even over phone).

What you should do about it:

- Inform me firmly but gently that you're glad to be my friend, but nothing more.

Other options:

- I guess you could appreciate it and reciprocate if you really wanted to...
Note: this is not expected; that would be a dream.

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you:

- Use me against myself, keeping me close so I will continue to pour all my resources out into you, then pretend that's normal and insist you didn't know what you were doing to me/didn't do anything.