my spirit paper

So, I'm writing my spiritual journey...

... and two things are happening...

1) I'm on an amphetamine high, caused by 330mg methylxanthine and 300mg caffeine. Off and on during this trip my head hurts, I can't feel my fingertips, I've become increasingly dyslexic, my heart hurts, my right lung feels ready to collapse, I'm having trouble breathing, and there's a throbbing, yet dull pain on the right side of my lower back.
But my productivity is up about 750-800%, and I'm enjoying the increased introspection.

2) The more I write about it, the clearer it becomes. I've come to realize that the reason we weren't agreeing with each other before is that neither of us was truly listening to what the other was saying. I know we both probably heard each other, and to testify to this I can regurgitate what she was saying, and am better able to understand it. But we were both so preoccupied with trying to convey meaning, that we both forgot to truly listen and try to empathize. We were both so displaced by this that we were both completely skewed from our normal states of being.



Mmbien, I have to go finish this paper.

Testing, 1, 2, 3

Have you ever been in a situation where you were doing something, and then stepped back from whatever you were doing and wondered whether it was real, or whether someone was just testing you? Like the clinical trials we have to do for psych classes, but in real life? (Or what you considered to be real life?) Ever thought on what you were doing, and wondered if maybe someone was running a test on you, to see how you'd react in a certain situation? To see how everyone would react to a given set of parameters? Even thought on it so long that you were certain it must be true, and that someone was definitely watching your behaviour? It's an extremely disheartening, un-empowering, violated way of thinking... It makes you wonder what, if anything, is truly real, and what merely a test of your character, your weakness, or your self-discipline. It makes you feel a little displaced, and a little paranoid.

Sometimes I think of A∑∆ like that, and I truly wonder.