Poor Nina......

So last night something was said to me that made me think, and made me a little bit upset...

"Poor Nina, you left her all alone!"

As if my going to college caused Nina to suddenly have no friends, and nothing to do. As if hanging out with me were the only thing she ever did before.

When Stephanie left I lost an older sister, and nobody felt bad for me. And Nina's WAY more independent than me, too. And it's not like I never see her, she only lives a half-hour away. And this has brought her closer to her dog, who used to get lots of attention from me, but doesn't now, and needs that attention. He gets it from his MOTHER now...

And what was I supposed to do, anyway? Do people really expect me to have never moved away or go to college, ever? Did I miss the part where I was destined to stay in my parents house doing nothing with my life so that NINA could feel more comfortable in hers? Is that really what these people want from me???

That's fucking ridiculous!!!

I love my little sister, but I will not sacrifice my life so that she can feel more comfortable because I'll always be there. The world just doesn't work that way. I need to have my life too.

And if that's not what was mean by that statement, maybe that statement shouldn't be made, because that's what it implies. Maybe that should be considered before anyone makes any more comments like that. Think about what you're really saying.

Is that so hard?

Skeletons

You know how sometimes life has been crappy for a while, and then things get better, and then something drastically bad happens, and as that's being sorted out, and you're starting to feel good that "at least I don't have to deal with THAT anymore" life just turns around and slaps you on the face?

I hate that.

Especially when it sucks. Which just happens to be always. I don't understand why some people can't just leave well-enough alone. If you fucked up, and I've told you to be able to forgive you and forget about it (which is something you want) I need some time to NOT think about you, why in the world would that make it seem to you like I want you trying to make casual conversation with me? Can't you see it's killing me? Don't you understand that if you try to force yourself on me, I'm only going to hate you more? Especially after doing something like that. You should know enough by now to know that I'm not just going to forget about it and let everything go back to what it was. I have been known to forget everyday little things, but you should know by now that the odds of me forgetting what you've done are staggering. Especially if you keep randomly occurring in my life.

I love you. What happened there was probably the most amazing experience I have or will ever had. And if at the end of my life I were presented the option to cease to exist or to repeat my life over, exactly as it was, nothing changed at all, I would probably jump at the opportunity to experience That again, because all things considered, even everything I've been through doesn't seem so intolerable.

But I beg of you, Please, please, stop this torture. I want to be able to remember you for every amazing moment we had, every breath I took that was enriched because I was near you. Not the fact that you wouldn't let me go. I don't want to see you as a negative presence in my life, and so I need you to not be in my life.

I know it seems selfish of me to ask this of you, and I know I would never truly be writing this if I even thought there was any way you might some day find it. But don't I deserve my turn? You were selfish once, and it cost me my life. At least let me attempt the tangled mess of my life in peace. Please. Let me rest in peace.

It's not really so big a request. Just, stop.

Frederick Wilhelm Nietzsche, "On the Genealogy of Morals" section 14

"-and impotence does not require into 'goodness of heart'; anxious lowliness into 'humility'; subjection to those one hates into 'obedience' (that is, to one of whom they say he commands this subjection-- they call him God). The inoffensiveness of the weak man, even the cowardice of which he has so much, his lingering at the door, his being ineluctably compelled to wait, here acquire flattering names, such as 'patience,' and are even called virtue itself; his inability for revenge is called unwillingness to revenge, perhaps even forgiveness ('for they know not what they do-- we alone know what they do!'). They also speak of 'loving one's enemies'-- and sweat as they do so...
They are miserable, no doubt of it, all these mutterers and nook counterfeiters, although they crouch warmly together-- but they tell me their misery is a sign of being chosen by God; one beats the dogs one likes best; perhaps this misery is also a preparation, a testing, a schooling, perhaps it is even more-- something that will one day be made good and recompensed with interest, with huge payments of gold, no! happiness. This they call 'bliss.'"

... And I wish for one more day to give my love and repay debts, but the morning finds our bodies washed up thirty miles west...

The world is a cold, cold place.

Keep your friends as close as you can, because you'll never know when you're going to need them, but be aware, and recognize when they've become your enemies.

Know that true friends are not the ones who climb the ladder, but the ones who'll stay with you when you get pushed off.

Know that what happens the first time around isn't nearly as important as what happens after you've forgiven what happened the first time around.

And above all else, know that those who truly love you will always support you, and will never abandon you for flashiness and power, no matter how attractive and easy it gets.




((Also, remember that they don't all suck, only the ones in power...))

This is the mug shot of Rosa Parks, to remind you that those who change the world are often unappreciated.