Dear Boy in Clinical Who Kicks My Chair,

Stop it.

Truly, we are in the Second Grade when, in a Clinical Health Care class at a prestigious University of California, you insist on distracting me by repeatedly knocking the back of my chair with your foot. I sympathize that there is not an abundance of leg room between rows in these classrooms, especially since the designers had to accommodate 8 billion people, but surely your feet (which are not all that big to begin with) can fit under your own chair, or even- and I know this is a revelation- on the floor.

Also, tell your girlfriend to get HER feet off the back of my chair as well. She is not nearly as distracting as you, insofar that she does not create vibrations and a tapping noise, but alas, every time she shifts her feet, my hair gets caught between them and the chair back, effectively pulling it whenever I breathe. I understand the need for her to constantly readjust, seeing as how she has her feet up on the back of the chair next to the one in front of her, and this diagonal can be quite a stretch. But I assure you both, if she removes her feet from my chair this problem will disappear completely.

You might also want to note, that if the two of you desist, you will in fact get to keep your feet. Otherwise, I might be inclined to remove them FOR you.

Cheers.

Dear Santa Cruzians,

I need your help! I am in the most painful circumstances, and need a kind, loving, sympathetic soul. My doggy and I are currently separated by twenty-six miles of the harshest, most horrible mountain road called Highway 17. I travel on this road as many weekends as I can to see him, and pet him, and play with him, but it seems every time I am forced to leave him to return to school mere moments after we settle in to nap together. This is the most heartbreaking feeling, and I die every time I have to kiss him on the head and shut the door between us. If only my doggy and I could be reunited, I know we would both be much happier. As I live on campus, however, my poor puppy is not welcome in my home, and to admit him would be to lose it. I need a caring soul who would be willing to house my doggy in Santa Cruz, as near to campus as possible so that when one of us is lonely we can visit each other without the hours of transit from campus to Metro Center, from Metro Center to Diridon Station, from Diridon to that soft, feathery fur, and excited wagging tail. Please, people of Santa Cruz! Band together, and find a SC home for my puppy so I never have to leave him again! I promise he'll fit in with the dog-friendly nature of the town, and he is yet to meet another dog he's aggressive toward...