Skeletons

You know how sometimes life has been crappy for a while, and then things get better, and then something drastically bad happens, and as that's being sorted out, and you're starting to feel good that "at least I don't have to deal with THAT anymore" life just turns around and slaps you on the face?

I hate that.

Especially when it sucks. Which just happens to be always. I don't understand why some people can't just leave well-enough alone. If you fucked up, and I've told you to be able to forgive you and forget about it (which is something you want) I need some time to NOT think about you, why in the world would that make it seem to you like I want you trying to make casual conversation with me? Can't you see it's killing me? Don't you understand that if you try to force yourself on me, I'm only going to hate you more? Especially after doing something like that. You should know enough by now to know that I'm not just going to forget about it and let everything go back to what it was. I have been known to forget everyday little things, but you should know by now that the odds of me forgetting what you've done are staggering. Especially if you keep randomly occurring in my life.

I love you. What happened there was probably the most amazing experience I have or will ever had. And if at the end of my life I were presented the option to cease to exist or to repeat my life over, exactly as it was, nothing changed at all, I would probably jump at the opportunity to experience That again, because all things considered, even everything I've been through doesn't seem so intolerable.

But I beg of you, Please, please, stop this torture. I want to be able to remember you for every amazing moment we had, every breath I took that was enriched because I was near you. Not the fact that you wouldn't let me go. I don't want to see you as a negative presence in my life, and so I need you to not be in my life.

I know it seems selfish of me to ask this of you, and I know I would never truly be writing this if I even thought there was any way you might some day find it. But don't I deserve my turn? You were selfish once, and it cost me my life. At least let me attempt the tangled mess of my life in peace. Please. Let me rest in peace.

It's not really so big a request. Just, stop.